A song that makes me feel guilty

I woke up, barely, reached over the the turntable, and let the needle hit the groove.

That I listened to this song after that night was really unfair. That I listened to it with “Hannah” just waking up beside me was horrible. I e-mailed her a while afterwards, apologising for a few weeks of , well… I don’t think she minded. She was in Africa at the time and had more important things to think about. I’m not especially proud of a lot of stuff that happened in that flat, but it made me clearer about who I wanted to be. A lot like K-, “Hannah” was someone I had to meet and be around to know I had some emotional growing up to do. I still do.

Lyrically, “Make Out, Fall Out, Make Up” is built for these kind of moments. Musically it’s built for the night in the club before the guilt. It’s built for someone aged 20, who knows enough to feel excitement and shame at thoroughly reprehensible actions that break hearts and makes life hard for people around them. I’d like to say it dovetailed into starting an important relationship, but actually there was an overlap. I’d like to say I’m sorry, but it’s honest to admit I’m not. I’d like to say guilt is the only thing this track inspires in me, but it’s got such incredible energy to it that mostly I just want to dance to it.

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