My least favourite song

I’ve been thinking all day about what my least favourite song might be, trawling my imagination for some novelty record or pop classic that makes my skin bristle.

But then I remembered the smug, gurning travesty that is ‘Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want’.

I loathe The Smiths. I really do. The songs are just so empty. You can get all the way through to a slow fade out and not notice that time has happened to you. Worse, you might hear two songs back to back, lost 7 minutes of your life, and never actually be moved or satisfied or affected in any way.

“Good times for a change/see, the luck I’ve had/can make a good man/turn bad”

So things are on the up and the first response is to start singing about how desperately you want things to be alright? They are alright.

The whole back-catalogue is a masterclass in vacuous self-pity. This band contributed to the ambient ennui of a heap of people I knew through University. And what’s worse is that it infected a lot of very very good songwriters thereafter.

Oh god, and that “let me/let me/let me/let me/let me/let” skipped record of a chorus. Fuck me it’s empty. It’s exactly the effect he’s singing about. Nothing more. Nothing transcendent or redeeming. Just ‘pah’.

See – the song’s basically finished and you didn’t even notice! It’s just that twiddling guitar bit. And then nothing.

I wonder what I chose four years ago?

Hah! I ranted about two other songs that say nothing.